It's embarrassing. to get to it. To where your answers are-- all of your thoughts are just your pessimistic imaginational bullshit excuses for being lazy. The pursuit of happiness becomes a forceful chase and you start to feel disgusting because some fool inside of you feeds you bullshit-and baby, you are what you eat. that chase sinks in like a habit and you're fucked. you just gouged out your eyes, so now youre blind. Good luck with thinking clearly now. And then...still, you go on to cry one last time about how you want to crawl under a rock. coward. But grow a back bone and be a woman for christ sakes-- Pick up your dignity that you've been chiseling away at, and back there--you dropped your grace when someone tossed you a cheap idea. --dedicate yourself to this: Never give yourself up for your elaborate dreams.

I've had difficulty concentrating on the present...<

 The animals, the trees, even the objects without a pulse that have been created from our own chaotic minds-they're all here presently-being. Growing or wearing. The tree across the street is the same as the one I smell beside me. It's the same as the bird I just watched shit on my car, the same as the other birds that shit on everyones same car. The house of the porch I'm sitting on is the same as the house across the street. They're all doing the same thing. The only thing at variance is time. The present perspective is unparalleled. Now I've got to concentrate to stop thinking about this any deeper before I hit that boundary line into the past.

buck up.

something hit me.
breathing in.
breathing out.
enough oxygen to keep you high for a moment

they told me
and i thought... whats next?
back at one. find that strength fast.